The Distorted Divine Masculine: Emotional Suppression, Part 4 of 11
- heatherannkoehn
- Feb 14
- 5 min read
Updated: Feb 16
The concept of the Divine Masculine represents strength, protection, leadership, and wisdom—when expressed in a healthy, balanced way.
However, societal conditioning, familial trauma, and cultural expectations often distort the masculine archetype, forcing individuals—especially men—to suppress their emotions.
Emotional suppression begins early in childhood and compounds throughout the decades, manifesting in different ways as a person ages.
This blog explores the trajectory of emotional suppression across a lifetime, from childhood to old age, and the profound impact it has on one's mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being.
Early Childhood (Ages 0-6): The Foundation of Suppression
Parental Influence: A boy is often told, "Boys don’t cry" or "Be strong like a man." These early messages signal that emotions, particularly sadness and vulnerability, are weaknesses.
Emotional Neglect: Parents or caregivers may dismiss or ignore emotional distress, reinforcing the idea that expressing feelings leads to rejection.
Fear of Repercussions: If a child does express sadness or fear, they might be punished, mocked, or abandoned emotionally, leading to an instinctive repression of feelings.
Internalization: The child learns that survival means suppressing emotions, starting a pattern of detachment from their inner world.
Avoidance of Weakness: The belief that emotions such as fear, sadness, or vulnerability indicate weakness begins to take root.
Middle Childhood (Ages 7-12): Masking Begins
Peer Pressure: Boys who cry or express vulnerability are ridiculed by peers, reinforcing the message that emotions are socially unacceptable.
Overcompensation: Many begin channeling emotions into aggressive play, sports, or humor to avoid showing "weakness."
Disconnection from Self: As emotional suppression deepens, the child may struggle to identify what they are feeling, leading to difficulty forming emotional bonds.
Encouraging Suppression in Others: Boys may begin encouraging peers to "man up" and suppress their own emotions as well, perpetuating the cycle.
Teenage Years (Ages 13-19): Rebellion and Performance
Identity Crisis: The suppressed emotions begin manifesting as rebellious behavior, risk-taking, or an obsession with proving their masculinity.
Substance Use: Drugs, alcohol, or other numbing behaviors may be introduced as coping mechanisms.
Difficulty in Relationships: Fear of intimacy leads to avoiding deep emotional connections, focusing instead on physical or surface-level interactions.
Mental Health Issues: Anxiety, depression, and anger issues may arise, often unrecognized or misdiagnosed due to the expectation of emotional toughness.
Reinforcing the Cycle: Young men encourage each other to suppress emotions, equating expression with weakness.
Early Adulthood (Ages 20-29): The Mask Solidifies
Work as Identity: Many young men immerse themselves in careers, viewing success as a means to validate their worth while neglecting emotional well-being.
Romantic Struggles: Inability to communicate emotions leads to failed relationships or emotionally distant partnerships.
Pressure to Provide: Societal expectations push them to be the "strong provider," reinforcing emotional isolation.
Physical Manifestations: Suppressed emotions may result in chronic stress, headaches, or digestive issues.
Discouraging Vulnerability in Others: Men may shame others for expressing sadness or fear, further solidifying the belief that emotions are a weakness.
30s: The Breaking Point or Deeper Suppression
Relationship Struggles Deepen: Many experience divorce or disconnection in long-term relationships due to an inability to emotionally connect.
Mid-Life Anxiety Begins: The unexamined wounds from childhood and teenage years resurface, causing existential questions.
Escapism: Overworking, pornography, excessive fitness, or substance abuse become dominant distractions.
Health Issues: Increased risk of high blood pressure, cardiovascular disease, and chronic pain due to prolonged stress.
40s: The Crisis of Self
Midlife Crisis: The emotional suppression may explode into reckless behavior—affairs, sudden life changes, or complete emotional shutdown.
Estrangement from Family: Difficulty expressing love and vulnerability may lead to strained relationships with children and spouses.
Numbness vs. Awakening: Some continue suppressing, becoming emotionally robotic, while others begin seeking healing through therapy, spirituality, or self-inquiry.
Continuing the Cycle: Many men still believe that encouraging others to suppress their emotions is the correct way to maintain "strength."
50s: A Glimpse of Reflection or Deeper Entrenchment
Loneliness Increases: If healing has not started, relationships may feel shallow or unsatisfying.
Health Declines: Years of emotional stress can manifest in autoimmune diseases, chronic pain, or mental health breakdowns.
Spiritual Seeking: Many begin questioning their purpose, searching for meaning through religion, philosophy, or personal transformation.
60s: The Weight of a Lifetime
Regrets Surface: Reflection on past relationships and missed emotional connections can lead to profound sadness.
Potential for Healing: Grandfatherhood or retirement may create space for emotional vulnerability and connection.
Physical Fragility: If emotions remain unprocessed, the body may suffer greatly, with conditions like Alzheimer’s, arthritis, or severe heart disease.
70s and Beyond: A Chance for Redemption or Permanent Isolation
Acceptance or Deep Regret: Some find peace by embracing vulnerability, making amends, and reconnecting emotionally, while others remain trapped in numbness.
Wisdom and Softness: Those who break free from suppression often become sources of deep wisdom, guiding younger generations toward emotional balance.
Final Years: The body and mind eventually succumb to decades of suppression, often leaving an emotional legacy—either one of healing or continued pain in their lineage.
Breaking the Cycle: Healing the Distorted Masculine
Healing emotional suppression requires deep inner work and courageous vulnerability. Some steps toward reclaiming emotional authenticity include:
Therapy & Inner Child Work: Understanding and healing early wounds.
Breathwork & Somatic Healing: Releasing emotions stored in the body.
Journaling & Self-Reflection: Developing emotional literacy.
For Men and Women a Healthy Divine Masculine Circle: Surrounding oneself with those that are emotionally aware.
Spiritual Exploration: Connecting with the Divine Masculine in a healthy, nurturing way.
Encouraging Emotional Expression: Breaking the habit of telling others to "man up" and instead fostering an environment where emotions are acknowledged and respected.
Healing is possible at any stage, but it requires conscious effort, self-compassion, and the willingness to face the suppressed emotions.
By breaking this cycle, we create a new paradigm—one where the Divine Masculine stands in its full power, not through suppression but through integrated wisdom and authentic emotional expression.
Final Reflection Questions:
What messages did you receive about emotions in your childhood?
How has emotional suppression impacted your relationships?
What steps can you take today to reconnect with your authentic emotions?
True strength is not in repression but in the courage to feel. Let’s rewrite the narrative of masculinity—one vulnerable step at a time.
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