The Distorted Divine Masculine's Disregard for Collaboration, Part 8 of 11
- heatherannkoehn
- Feb 22
- 5 min read

In many cultures, the concept of the divine masculine represents strength, leadership, and decisiveness.
However, when this energy becomes distorted, it can manifest as a dismissive attitude toward collaboration—a belief that “I alone have the answers.”
In this blog, we explore the origins of this mindset, trace its development through different life stages, and offer reflective exercises, shadow work, and practical advice for those affected or those who know someone who is.
Childhood: Seeds of Independence and Isolation
Origins and Family Dynamics
In early childhood, the foundations of our understanding of self and others are laid.
A child who observes rigid, authoritarian figures—whether in family or community—may begin to internalize the idea that their own perspective is the only one that matters.
If praise is only given for independent achievements rather than collaborative efforts, the young mind may associate self-reliance with worth.
Reflective Question:
"How did my early relationships shape my understanding of strength and independence? Were collaboration and teamwork ever modeled for me?"
Shadow Work Exercise
Journaling Prompt: Write about a memory where you felt praised for doing something alone. What did that success feel like, and how did it affect your view of working with others?
Teens: The Struggle for Identity and Authority
Navigating Peer and Family Expectations
During adolescence, the desire for identity formation can lead to the exaggeration of self-sufficiency.
Teenagers may rebel against the constraints of group norms, seeking to assert their unique opinions. This phase can be exacerbated by family dynamics that emphasize competition or dominance rather than cooperation.
Reflective Question:"In what ways did I seek to stand out during my teenage years? How did this affect my ability to see value in the ideas and contributions of others?"
Shadow Work Exercise
Group Reflection: Discuss with a trusted peer or mentor a time when a team effort yielded a better result than working alone. Explore feelings of vulnerability in admitting that you needed others.
20s and 30s: Establishing Autonomy and Leadership Roles
Early Professional Life and Romantic Relationships
In your 20s and 30s, the professional realm often celebrates assertive leadership and decisive action. This can reinforce the belief that one’s ideas are superior and that delegation or collaboration is a sign of weakness.
Romantic relationships may also suffer if one partner insists on making all decisions, leaving little room for shared growth and mutual empowerment.
Reflective Question:
"How have my professional and personal relationships reflected my belief in 'solitary success'? Can I recall instances where collaboration would have yielded a better outcome?"
Shadow Work Exercise
Mindful Meditation: Spend five minutes daily visualizing a scenario where you invite others to contribute to a decision. Notice any resistance or discomfort, and gently question where these feelings originate.
40s and 50s: Reevaluation and the Confrontation of Legacy
Midlife Reflection and the Realization of Interdependence
Midlife often brings a reevaluation of life choices. By this time, many begin to recognize that the insistence on solitary leadership can limit personal growth and damage relationships.
Reflecting on past decisions, you may see how the refusal to collaborate has led to missed opportunities and a sense of isolation.
Reflective Question:
"What opportunities have I missed because I did not involve others in decision-making? How has this impacted my personal and professional growth?"
Shadow Work Exercise
Letter Writing: Write a letter to your younger self explaining the benefits of collaboration and shared decision-making. Acknowledge the pain of past mistakes while emphasizing the value of learning and growth.
60s and 70s: Wisdom and the Embrace of Collective Experience
Later Life and the Integration of Wisdom
As you age, the wisdom accumulated through life experiences can help balance the once distorted divine masculine energy.
In the later stages of life, collaboration is often seen not as a threat to individuality but as a celebration of shared wisdom and collective growth.
The emphasis shifts from “I alone have the answers” to “we have many answers together.”
Reflective Question:
"How have my life experiences changed my view on leadership and collaboration? What role does collective wisdom play in the later years of life?"
Shadow Work Exercise
Legacy Dialogue: Engage in a conversation with a family member or close friend about the value of teamwork in your life. Reflect on how your journey could inspire others to embrace collaboration.
Impact on Society and Self-Growth
Societal Implications
A society where individuals consistently prioritize their own opinions over collective wisdom people can face numerous challenges—from weakened community bonds to ineffective leadership and even social isolation.
When leaders and community members refuse to engage in dialogue and share decision-making, innovation stagnates and conflicts may arise.
Personal Impact
On a personal level, the inability to collaborate can stunt emotional growth and prevent the full integration of one’s shadow self—the unacknowledged parts of our identity.
Without embracing the input and perspective of others, personal evolution becomes a lonely journey, missing the richness that comes from shared experiences and mutual learning.
Advice for Friends, Family, and Self-Identification
For Friends and Family
If you have a loved one who tends to operate from the "I alone have the answers" mindset:
Practice Empathetic Listening: Try to understand their fears and insecurities that may be fueling their need for control.
Model Collaborative Behavior: Invite them to participate in decision-making processes in a supportive and non-confrontational manner.
Encourage Reflective Practices: Suggest journaling or mindfulness exercises that explore the benefits of shared experiences.
Reflective Question for Caregivers:"How can I gently challenge my loved one’s need for control while respecting their journey toward healing?"
For Those Who Self-Identify
If you recognize these traits in yourself:
Embrace Vulnerability: Understand that asking for help and admitting uncertainty is a strength, not a weakness.
Engage in Shadow Work: Reflect on past experiences that may have reinforced this mindset. Use journaling, therapy, or meditation to explore these wounds.
Seek Collaborative Opportunities: Start small by inviting feedback on a decision, and gradually increase your comfort with shared input.
Professional Guidance: Consider speaking with a coach or therapist who specializes in shadow work and personal growth.
Reflective Question for Self-Healers:
"What underlying fears are driving my need for solitary decision-making, and how can I begin to trust the collective wisdom around me?"
Final Thoughts
The journey from a distorted sense of divine masculinity to one that embraces collaboration is a challenging yet profoundly rewarding process.
It requires a willingness to confront deep-seated fears, an openness to vulnerability, and a commitment to personal and collective growth.
Whether you are supporting someone else or embarking on your own journey of transformation, remember that every step toward collaboration is a step toward a richer, more connected life.
Embrace the wisdom of shared experiences and let the power of unity guide you to a more balanced and fulfilling existence.
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